Welcome to CAA Festivus Friday! With the tournament, a gathering of friends, supporters and basketball fans to celebrate our March holiday weekend beginning tomorrow, Festivus Friday seems the only way to kickoff the weekend right. This day will not be sponsored by Jimmy John’s, the US Military, the VA 529 plan, or the organization I devoutly hope will sponsor next years CAA Tournemnt: Wawa. Oh no, this is a non-commercial holiday. This is a holiday for the fans, for the CAA’s “the rest of us”.
The holiday should begin by gathering around a pile of rocks. This pile of rocks represents the CAA Leadership for the past thirty years. It should be a nice pile of rocks. An above average pile of rocks. A pile of rocks this will not move up or down and has no ambition to do so. The pile of rocks is also symbolic of Bruiser Flint, Blaine Taylor, College of Charleston, and a number of others who competed in those rockfight contest where 48 points could be a winning score, players were walking off bloody and bruised, and referees like Sean Hull would literally turn to fans and say “They need to be gladiators out there!”
This pile of rocks, imperfect and haphazardly joined – it’s who we are.
Once gathered around the pile of rocks, slap the person next to you in the face. This slap is symbolic not just of the new advent of the “Slap and Tickle Saturday” Play-In games, but also the “CAASaturday” officiating. It’s symbolic of “Player Control Fouls” at the Collisuem, Pusica “Travel” calls in Charleston, and all of the one possession games that have been ripped out of the hands of victory by league officials. All teams – besides VCU, because Robert Battle didn’t travel – have battle scars from these slaps over the years. Relishing in these scars has created a shared regional psychosis that has fans still tense and waiting for the next illegal screen years after former official, and guy who enjoys doing “The Sprinkler” on wedding dance floors, Bob Testa, has retired.
With the day started, your next stop should be to gather, whether in an airport gate area, I-95 rest stop, or on the ferry to Fort Sumter with those you know, those who are close to you and are brothers and sisters in your CAA fandom, and speak with one another. Fort Sumter is a great place for this if you can get there. A bastion of the south, even when reduced to rubble and ODU, VCU and GMU left, the CAA flag still waives in the heart of Virginia. The commanders from the North simply can’t get on the same page long enough to organize and take it over.
So gather with those CAA Patriots around you, and begin your airing of grievances. We invite you to join this on twitter, but we’ll provide some starters here:
* The CAA North contingent was allegedly added to gain exposure for the conference and grab schools in major media markets. Then the CAA Powers That Be made the decision to cut off all TV exposure. The fundamental reason this conference banded together doesn’t exist anymore. And the reason it doesn’t exist, was not external factors, but internal misunderstanding of what this conference was designed to be.
* I have an issue! With people who don’t appreciate satire! And I’m not just talking to you, people of Delaware.
* With all of the rule changes to help the offense, I say it’s time: Let’s make the ball screen illegal.
* William and Mary, I have a problem with your academics. How dare you not allow Nathan Knight to graduate a year early, whether or not he has the credits. He’s too good, and needs to go.
* The Championship has spent three years in Charleston on the same weekend as the Food and Wine festival, yet the most modern cuisine at the arena is still Dippin Dots.
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* My cat wrote that last line while sitting on my keyboard. But I don’t get to see her much at this time of year, and she had something to say. So it stays. And you’ll like it.
* Nathaniel Hall, CAA Official. I nominate you, most challenged official of the year.
* In the current world environment, a team in South Carolina still had a White Out promotion. Never before have the words “You do you” rung so true.
* None of the coaches are fun enough to enter into this space. Until Mihalich and Shaver have their Steel Cage Match, which I would buy on Pay Per View. Just don’t damage the Stache Tony!
* This is the last year I’ll be able to poke fun at the #CAAHoops Championship arena. We’ll miss you Charleston Arena, First Mariner Dump, and Richmond Space Ship. You provided so much pain and water on the court, and so few paper towels in the rest room, and we love you for all of it.
So that kicks things off. We’re hopping on a plane since the best part of this time of year is being a part of this wonderful community. See you all in the Low Country, and happy #CAAFestivusFriday